Useless Crap You Don’t Need

But yet you most likely have it.

In honor of a certain comment left by Annie-fan Rachael, I will do a post on tanning. Namely, here’s why I don’t do it:

1. It’s stupid. I’m not saying being tan is stupid, but I think tanning is. This isnt some elitist bullshit I’m spewing. If you work outside, play sports, or are genetically blessed to already be tan then thats excellent for you. However, putting on a bikini and laying in the sun is not only a waste of time, but it will bite you in the ass thirty years from now. Bi-yearly vacations and the occasional day by the water don’t really count. I’m talking about GTL. Laying out to get tan multiple times a week just isn’t something I’m into. (I will end this with an apology to my fellow Southern Californians. I truly do not belong.)

2. I’ve worked long and hard on this pallor. Growing up in Southern California and having your face be the same color as your college rule notebook paper is actually rather difficult. I don’t know how I’ve managed to do it as a non-ginger, but at this point I’m just impressed.

3. Its kind of fun when people are often concerned about my health. I also have this weird thing where my fingernails turn purple and blue so I kind of get a sick pleasure from watching people try to confront me about my hidden health problems. “Are you hiding the fact that you have cancer?” “No.” “You know thats indicative of a heart problem, right?” “Eh, I feel fine.” Those conversations have actually happened.

4. Tanning is like my generations smoking (even though way too many of us still do that). It sounded like a good idea at first, then research came out that it was bad for us, yet we cant stop. I like to think that I’ve learned from my ancestor’s mistakes.

5. I don’t like the heat. I actually narrowed down my college list by factoring the weather in. I toured University of Miami in April and it was around 100 degrees. I crossed it off my list. Then I went to UMich in April. It was snowing, and now three years later I lead a happy life in the midwest.

6. Just google tanning. I promise skin damage will come up. But anyhow, to all you who hate me for writing this come visit me in forty years and we’ll compare skin elasticity.  (However, lets not compare now because I look like Casper and you look most likely look like a normal healthy person. I will admit there is a middle ground I should find, but I’m going to wait till at least a few more of my doctors recommend a blood test.)

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One Response to Useless Crap You Don’t Need

  1. Buffyluvr22 says:

    As a vampire lover, I myself also do not understand the appeal of being tan. Pale is the way to be!

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